Previous sections: Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4,  Part 5

“Through the dark tunnels, my burning passion made me stronger.”

In the four years between sixth grade and third year high school, I went back and forth between school, home, and the studio, juggling my roles as a student, a son, and a trainee. Since I didn’t have any idea what I was getting myself into, I was excited and curious so I didn’t feel tired at all.

It was difficult for my mother seeing me work so hard to meet all my responsibilities. She only told me about this later on. She supported me in my decision, and never cried in front of me or shared her worries, but I know she has cried many times out of her love for me and not wanting to see me suffer. Even today, she still occasionally sheds tears for me.

My experience as a trainee is not simply “fun” as the others would put it. If I say that working hard and getting the training I wanted already made me feel blessed and satisfied, that would be a lie. I felt uneasy day by day, and that the situation I was in was desolate.

During these times, I would adjust my thinking and tell myself “every trainee goes through this”, and “it’ll be more surprising if it wasn’t this difficult”. I didn’t have any other solution.

Like what Big Mama noonas once said, “Whatever happens to you as a trainee makes you feel bad”. Nobody is concerned about you, and most of the time you’d feel out of place. There are times wherein you’d have to pretend to be unaware and just wait. There’s not even a person to tell you that “by this year/month/day if you perfect this or that training, you can become a singer.” There’s no plan for tomorrow, no blueprint for the future, so what you can do each day is just work hard.

Because of that, I needed to be extra patient as a trainee. There was no other way but to have faith in myself and be determined in my thinking. Like the disciples of the old monks in those martial arts movies, you have to carry the burden on your shoulder “until you can stand on your own.” This was the only mindset one could have in preparation for this kind of life. I constantly recited in my heart three promises to feel stronger:

“Don’t feel discouraged”, “Don’t give up”, and “Don’t let my mind wander off track”.

These are the promises I made to myself.


Translator’s Note: This is Part 6 of Taeyang’s Shouting Out to the World, a translation from the Chinese translation of Shouting Out to the World by Big Bang China. This is merely a fan translation and is not affiliated with YG Entertainment or the publisher Sam and Parkers. This should only be for the fans’ personal use and should not be reproduced, modified, redistributed for any commercial purposes. Please do not take out/repost elsewhere without the translator’s explicit permission.  

Credits: Chinese Translation by 贼@BBCN.

English translation by : amandajaclyn18.tumblr.com /@amandajaclyn18 at twitter.  With permission to be reposted by Alwaystaeyang.

Wow, now that is some determination. I’m not sure if I would have the fortitude to become and stick with being a trainee, especially so young. I don’t really know how some of these young kpop stars do it, there’s not even a guarantee of money, fame or glory.










  1. I swear…if YB ever quits singing and dancing, he can become a life coach.

    Most adults don’t have the will power to put up with the things he did. Can you imagine what it was like for him as a teenager? Working so hard, day after day after day? No guarantee that your hard work would result in anything. The only thing you could depend on was yourself and your willpower.

    As hard as the trainee life was, the aftereffects are still apparent in YB to this day. It seems like he still keeps the promises he made to himself when he was younger. “Don’t feel discouraged”, “Don’t give up”, and “Don’t let my mind wander off track”. If you keep these three things in mind, there’s no way you would fail. And if you did, at least you know that you gave it your 200%.

    1. One thing I admire so much is the level of commitment he was able to put into it at a young age. How many of us knew what we wanted at that age? And to go all in the way he did? I guess he just loved music so much he couldn’t imagine his life going any other way. (Passion? Obsession?) All these idols who manage to debut have already made a huge achievement in my opinion, especially those who were trainees a long time. It certainly says a lot about their strength of character.

  2. i don’t think i would survive what he has gone through even for a week.such determination for one so young.

    and people wondered why he is my bias.

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