[Star diary] Taeyang⑥”What did I do on the stage?”

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2009 was an exceptionally tough one for Taeyang (23·real name Dong Young Bae). Managing both Big Bang’s activities in Japan and preparing for his solo album, he got more and more tired both mentally and physically.

“I feel last year was just a blank in my life. It was a nervous time, maybe because it was the third year in my singing career.”

For him, it has often been obligatory to stand on stages. Singing in an uncharged state, he has been exhausted and it has been hard on his mind.

He was the happiest, singing and dancing in front of audiences and he believe that was what brought him the most happiness, but he also felt pathetic towards himself that he couldn’t do his best.

“I thought I didn’t sing sincerely, and felt like ‘What did I do on the stage?’.”

This was during the time he had to prepare for his solo album under pressed schedules. His music didn’t come from the mind to begin with. His mind felt unstable, like he was pressed for something, and there was no particular goal for an outcome.

“After schedules were finished, I had to prepare my solo activities. I was pressed for time and pressed for work, so I couldn’t have the peace of mind I wanted”

At that time, he sang to tunes and beats but there was no emotion. The doors of his heart were shut as well. It was hard for him to meet people and smile.

“I didn’t even want to see people so I just stayed home. Besides, I couldn’t sleep well…”

But the moment he saw the first snow of 2010, he changed his mind.

“It’s too hard to live like this.”

Original article here
Translations by Mykooon
Please credit MYOKOON@ALWAYSTAEYANG when posting elsewhere

40 thoughts on “[Star diary] Taeyang⑥”What did I do on the stage?””

  1. Optimism is the way to go my friend also know what dog take your time creating your album it may be a long time but heck as long as the emotions all for it. Also I knew it these boys would never rest jaysus but yall can do it. Man sucks to be in pressure you gotta clutch that shizz.

  2. Its so sad how he felt that way : ( I’m glad hes not thinking like
    that anymore 😦 it hurts me to know he felt that way still..though..

  3. may be it’s just me but sometimes i think bae is too hard on himself. i mean he never stops pushing himself to be a better man, better singer, better member in the group, but may be sometimes he just expects too much out of himself. i don’t want him to feel or become exhausted like how he is in the article.

    i just hope that for the next album he’s not under pressured about the time schedule and stuff. the album has been delayed for so many times, i really really hope he gets more time and chances to prove himself even more.

  4. Once again thanks for another interview.
    argh this one really depressing; hurts so bad to know he felt like this the whole time. I kinda agree at times it seems that he tends to beat himself up too much. Not saying that he has a negative attitude, but at times I wished him gave himself a break. Towards the end of last year, I was wondering when was he going to release this album etc, and now I feel guilty because I had no idea what he was going through. At the end of the day, its his happiness, health & postitive state of mind that is important. I’m just glad he knows that a life full of stress and anxiety is not the way.

    1. I’m glad he knows that too. A different type of situation, but I had to learn the same things too.

  5. YB is to hard on himself. If he could only grasp the magnitude of people he’s touched with his music I’m sure he wouldn’t feel this way. I wrote him a letter telling him how much he’s affected me this year. It was because of his “Wedding Dress” performances that I returned to dancing. I started singing and writing again because of him and his story. It hurts my heart that he doesn’t realize how amazing he is.

  6. These interviews have really shown a side to YB that we’ve never seen before. He’s sharing all his worries and thoughts over the past years as it’s helped all of us get a look into his mind. I appreciate YB so much more knowing all the things that have been going though his mind ad weighing him down. Just want to say Hwaiting Youngbae!!! Your fans will always be here for you. I hope with the end of the year coming and his album and BB’s comeback he won’t feel stressed like he did. Although I’ve been waiting for his album forever, I’d rather he continue to postpone it until he is able to show his best self and put all of his emotions and abilities into it.

  7. I kinda understand why he was so stressed considering all that was happening last year. First was album pressure, then Daesung was in the hospital for a long time (and they’re really close so that must have hurt), TOP was busying filming so he wasn’t there, GD was still promoting his album so he wasn’t there as much either. So YB probably only had Seungri and the rest of the YG fam to lean on. But I’m happy to say that he’s been looking really happy lately so I think he’s over his depression.

  8. It’s like at one point he’s happy with his career, everything seems perfect and then at another he’s not so happy…he’s stressed and depressed.
    I sorta compare this to school (in a way)- it’s like you wanna work hard and when you get good results you wanna keep going but at times it feels like it’s not worth it or everything is too hard and nothings right.
    I think he’s just not satisfied with himself- someone needs to give him an A+
    He needs some time for LOVE!
    Oppa, we all love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. I knew he was going through some hard times during the Japanese and wedding dress promotion…for him to put it out as not singing from his heart it was the right words that I’ve been trying to find to describe his performances for me. Don’t get me wrong they were awesome but there was something missing and for Taeyang to admit it out like this just proved what I suspected…I’m glad that he’s gotten back on his feet I just hope he won’t have to go through this again. Fighting Taeyang!!!

  10. When you look at his old footage when they first debuted and even in the talk shows and behind the scenes of parodies that he did in 2007 and 2008, he smiled more and seemed more happy. 2009, he seemed so serious. He worries a lot about what others think of him all of the time. Yes, he is very hard on himself and there are some things that he wishes he can do but feels it would be no time soon. I hope he stays strong and that the people that he is around are listening to how he feels. “Really”. He needs more leg room to do the things that he wanted to do however, from the way that he is speaking, his needs are not being met. He said that he was also a little disappointed about his new solo album not being dropped yet. Didn’t he come out with Where you at in the fall of 2009? That was last year. It is about to be June and still no new album. I like YG but I think that he is taking on way too many projects at one time. Anyway I pray YB will stay strong mentally and I hope that this will be his year.

    1. it’s so true, I just hope Bae Bae won’t go through the same route again. It’s too painful to see him sad. Bae Bae ❤

  11. heh, and all this time people been pressin YG to let him come out already. Maybe YG noticed after that and kept him away for a while. Then again maybe not….. Guess all we should really do is wait and let him come out when he’s ready to

  12. This makes me sad.. I somehow kinda knew he wasnt feeling well when he performed WD; u could see there was something missing in his performance compare to LOAM performance. I’m glad he’s feeling better now =) but he gotta stop being so hard on himself =/….
    For now, I’m gonna wait until the day ur ready to release ur album and stay strong ❤ YB fighting!

    ohh and thank you for translating so fast ^__^

  13. so he knew his performances for wedding dress were lacking.

    I hope to see better this time around for the release of his new album.

  14. He’s the type of person who is constantly worrying over every little detail and I can only imagine how EXHAUSTING that must be. I think back to the times others would say he’d just sit on his bed for hours, thinking about things.
    I hope he learns how to balance. By that I mean there are times when you should just go with the flow and let things be as they are. But It’s easier said than done.

    I would love it if he just took a vacation AWAY from music and all of that because at times it seems like this is all he thinks about. All his life is. He’s missing out on so many other stuff.

  15. aw…. my bae is so hard on himself… chillax man!!!

    i think this side of him separates him from other artists… others are thinking how could they make noise in their career and here’s someone who thinks how could he improve more, how could he be the best…

    with all their activities last year (until now), going back and forth to korea and japan… who would not feel tired??? i mean are they already use to jetlags and stuff? i really felt the past year is a very tiring year for him and Big Bang… i hope YG realizes these men are not robots, they don’t have clones… they can be exhausted too… give them sometime to relax and enjoy their time…

    so here’s the reason why when i’m watching his live videos dated last year,, he sings less and his face and body looked tired.

    be optimistic bae!!! chillax!!!

  16. oh my poor Oppaaaaaaa! i knew he’d been depressed somehow last year,but i never thought it was this bad,and i feel sad i didn’t notice,i thought he was a having a good time and was proud of himself,because sincerely to me he’s always given 1000% onstage! Oppa you’re the greatest don’t even think differently,i hope he’s more relaxed and happy now,and i sure hope he’s sleeping a lot better,i can tell you lack of sleep can damage you more than anything! GOGOGOG OPPA! FIGHTING!♥

  17. It IS hard to live like that.. As a fan, reading how unhappy, conflicted, and depressed he was really hurts my heart like every reader here in ATY. These interviews bring YB so much closer to his fans; like he’s just like every regular person with his own issues and problems, except his are even more exacerbated because he’s in this industry. but i think happiness is a choice, and i’m glad YB was able to realize this and get himself out of the rut that he was in last 2009. i’m happy that he’s being optimistic again this 2010, and i hope he won’t have to go through the disappointments all over again. YB, you’re always in my prayers. I hope you’ll feel happier and more loved in the years to come. 🙂

  18. and all the while, the fans keep calling out to yg to release his album to the point that they’re shouting their hates towards yg when in fact, taeyang isn’t prepared yet. maybe that’s the reason why the company had to delay his album release. it’ll be more disappointing for him if yg pushed it, the album release, with youngbae feeling that way.

  19. it’s sad that yb oppa felt like that,,but i kow that taeyang can do it:))so this article confirmed that bigbang will be d one 1st to release their album,and yb’s release sched is pushed back”,,thanks to YG they understand how yb felt:)
    i know his album will be great,and we will support it!!
    (ryt vipz??).^__^oppa fighting!

  20. I feel really sorry now, saying his WD and WUA performances were lacking compared to his OLAM performances. I don’t think any of us can comprehend how much pressure he is under. Honestly, despite how much I love his music and want him to release the new album soon. I’d rather him take his time and have that peace of mind to produce his music. I’d rather wait another year when he is ready then having rushed promotions with an album he isn’t pleased with.
    I hope he knows he is more important to us than any song he sings in or variety show he appears in. Taeyang Hyung Hwaiting!

  21. Taeyang, hope things get better for you. Also stop being so hard on yourself, we know you will do well. Fighting!!!!!!!!!!

  22. Hey, this is unrelated to this article but I just wanted to link this video from the VMAJ’s.
    It’s a back stage interview and YB is speaking Japanese and a bit of English and going spazz at the end. He seems really happy and carefree, a total contrast to last year while promoting in Japan.

    1. Ohh~~ Thanks so much for this video~~

      I agree, YB really does look a lot happier. =)

      In the videos from the Japanese promotions last year, he wasn’t that happy at all – the random dance spazz+drink coke (adorkable!!!!!!), “22~”, “4 years… 5 years?” (DAYUMMM HOT!! and I think his English is getting so much better!)

      But back to the interview… Like many ATYers, it makes me sad to read that he was feeling down and really depressed…='(

      And like many of you said, YB really needs to take things easier…. He is really too hard on himself…=(

      I know how YB feels because that’s how I’m always feeling now in university… I’m always constantly working my ass off, even if it’s just as little as 3-4 hours a day reading an article or two, etc.

      I’m lucky that I have friends that tell me I’m doing well, and I should really take a day or two to just do absolutely nothing related to studies.

      I’m glad YB’s moved on and isn’t depressed anymore… You can tell from the video that he’s a lot more carefree.

      It’s like looking back at the BB that debuted in a way. =)

      (And GD is really cute with the CD!!! So adorkable.)

      YB fighting!!! And if I could, I wish I could give you a big hug too! =( Lots of love from the fans!!! Don’t forget!! Araso!?

  23. hahahah i love the way he said all the numbers xD gosh that same thing that happened to BaeBae whit the coke,happened to me rite before i saw it,like 30 min before,and when i watched the vid.i LOLed so hard hhaaha,how adorkable!!!!!♥♥ Im so glad he’s so bubbly and outgoing! and that BB won all of the awards!! yay fighting! ^___^

    thanks for the vid!

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